Wednesday, March 31, 2010
In the movie Precious Mo'Nique portrayed Mary; a Mother who knowingly, ignorantly and selfishly allowed her daughter to be raped by her husband for years. Do you know anyone like Mary? Do you think people like Mary exist? Are you Mary?
I was recently heartsick when I found out a childhood friend is currently living with her husband who has sexually abused her children. I know that people like Mary exist but I was so deeply disappointed to find out she is Mary? I still can not fathom what goes on in the mind of someone who is capable of such betrayal and indecency? How can a Mother lay in the same bed with a monster, how can she tolerate his touch or even look into his eyes without thinking, imagining and seeing what he has done to her child(ren)? I wish I could understand this evil and sickness that allows a woman to overlook her child being raped, molested, threatened and frightened not just once but multiple times that last for years in many cases. Is the Mother suffering from an extreme case of denial, mental illness or selfishness?
My opinion is these types of Mary’s are suffering from selfishness and an extreme case of low self-esteem. Their need to be loved by a man even in its sickest form outweighs their child screams for help, scars, fears or safety. These types of Mary’s see this monster as their life. God forbid they have to go without a man. God forbid they have to be totally independent and sacrifice to provide for their own children. A very small part of me wants to pity these Mary’s because I think they must really hate themselves deep down or maybe they were abused and don’t know any other way. I’m sympathetic to the fact that not everyone handles trauma and abuse in the same manner. Some victims of abuse subconsciously seek out abusers because they feel they don’t deserve better and subconsciously they don’t see their own child's worth because they came from them. This could be the reason they can so easily look away or do nothing. These types of Mary’s will adapt coping skills of denial and fantasy just to excuse these monsters. In their twisted minds they minimize what is happening to their child(ren). They say things like “he is having sex with my daughter” which is not the case; he is raping your daughter. Anytime a man is with a child it is not sex but rape; don’t minimize it. Just because the child was too afraid to scream or fight back or just because they were manipulated into keeping it a secret doesn’t lessen what it really is; which is rape. These types of Mary’s will blame their daughters for seducing their husbands, they resort to name calling and shaming the child into secrecy so their monster won’t be found out. Can you imagine walking into a room and catching your husband raping your 13 year old daughter and your first instinct is to attack your child for being a slut? What type of Mother does that? Can you imagine your 8 year old child telling you the monster keeps touching her and you may argue and put him out but never really do anything to protect your own child? What type of Mother does that?
These Mary’s don’t realize the damage they have inflicted on their own children. It’s bad enough to be raped and abused but to go to your Mother and have the courage to tell; in spite of the fear of not being believed or what the monster may do to you and your Mother does nothing to protect you is a betrayal far worse than the abuse. It leaves a child to feel that they must be NOTHING. If the one person in the world who is supposed to think you’re somebody allows you to be abused repeatedly; then you must deserve it? So the child grows up with excellent coping skills masked through years of denial. The mother/child relationship continues and what is going on in the household is like the elephant in the room; never talked about. The Mother shouldn’t be surprised though when one day the child grows up and comes to accept the reality of what is and what was allowed to occur and despises her own Mother.
I previously said I pity these women a little until I think about other victims of sexual abuse who may have issues with self and struggle with insecurities but they would NEVER EVER allow another to knowingly abuse their children. What makes one victim an enabler of the monster and another a raging protector of her children? I say it’s all about choice and at the end of the day we know the demons we are facing. I believe when it comes to your children and their safety your personal demons have to take a back seat; your child comes first. If you are one of these types of Mary’s; you and your monster deserve to be in a prison cell happily ever after for eternity. You’ve already sacrificed your children for him; why not your life?
Feel Free to Read Me Again..Until the Next Time Stay Blessed, Peace!
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power."
~ Maya Angelou
"The noblest calling in the world is that of mother. True motherhood is the most beautiful of all arts, the greatest of all professions. She who can paint a masterpiece or who can write a book that will influence millions deserves the plaudits and admiration of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters whose immortal souls will be exerting an influence throughout the ages long after painting shall have faded, and books and statues shall have been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give."
~ David O. McKay
"The mother, more than any other, affects the moral and spiritual part of the children's character. She is their constant companion and teacher in formative years. The child is ever imitating and assimilating the mother's nature. It is only in after life that men gaze backward and behold how a mother's hand and heart of love molded their young lives and shaped their destiny."
~ E.W. Caswell
Angie's signing off for now...feel free to read me again! Until the Next time Stay Blessed and Humble. Peace!
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